


Either A Parody or A Satire; Either Way, It Sucks

by strix_alba



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Bad Fic, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strix_alba/pseuds/strix_alba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Luke abruptly becomes genre-savvy and decides that his storyline is bullshit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Either A Parody or A Satire; Either Way, It Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> I was cleaning my room earlier this week and came across some of the very first fanfic I ever wrote, age 14. Witness my brilliant, biting satire.

**INT. DEATH STAR**

DARTH VADER  
Luke, I am your father.

LUKE  
No, you’re not.

DARTH VADER  
Yes, Luke. I. Am. Your father.

LUKE  
Really? Okay, cool.

DARTH VADER  
At long last, you have come to terms with your destiny.

LUKE  
Sure thing, Dad. So listen, can I have my hand back?

DARTH VADER  
It is your destiny to live with this wound. Do not try to run from your fate.

LUKE  
Oh, well. The ones back at HQ have built-in Demise-o-Bombs, anyway.

DARTH VADER  
Join me and embrace the Dark Side, or embrace your own destruction.

LUKE  
… I guess it wouldn’t waste too much time to embrace the Dark Side.

DARTH VADER  
At last, you see the truth within yourself. Join me, son.

LUKE  
_(hugging DARTH VADER)_  
And … done. See you, Dad. People to see, sisters to smooch, your boss to dethrone. Gotta stick to the Monomyth somehow.

DARTH VADER  
No!

_LUKE leaps off the edge of the precipice._

DARTH VADER  
Ah, crap.

**EXT. BRIDGE ON ENDOR - NIGHT**

LUKE  
Leia, there’s something you should know.

LEIA  
What?

LUKE  
_(hanging head)_  
We can’t have moments of romantic tension anymore.

LEIA  
But … why? It’s because I changed my hairstyle, right? Should I put it back in cinnamon buns?

LUKE  
No, your hair is fine. I like it. But this little green dude I’ve never seen before in my life who screws up his sentence structure told me that we’re actually twins separated at birth.

LEIA  
Oh. So that’s why we look nothing alike?

LUKE  
Exactly! And this means you have the Force, too.

LEIA  
I can suddenly sense whether you’re okay or not — it must be true!

LUKE  
And now I’m not in love with you anymore. This is great!

LEIA  
That’s good, because I fell in love with Han while you were gone, anyway. I wondered how that would work out.

LUKE  
Man, you what? Never mind. Guess what? The guy who blew up your home planet and tried to kill you? He’s our dad!

LEIA  
I wonder if Mom’s going to pop up anytime soon.

_LUKE and LEIA look suspiciously at the cast._

LUKE  
Since the only other female characters in the galaxy are sentient teddy bears, who knows?

LEIA  
_(furtively)_  
Maybe we’re test-tube babies.

LUKE  
I’ll ask Dad. Hey, DAD! Where’s Mom?

_DARTH VADER appears._

DARTH VADER  
Yes, my little incestuous sugarplums?

LEIA  
Where’s Mom?

DARTH VADER  
_(holds up shrunken head)_  
Here.

LUKE  
Hi, mom.

END 


End file.
